Questioning your relationship with alcohol? Asking yourself certain things may help, such as how alcohol is serving you and whether you associate particular benefits or consequences with drinking.
With the popularization of 30-day challenges like Dry January and Sober October, people are recognizing that there can be benefits to cutting out alcohol for a period of time — or for good.
But if you’re new to sober curiosity, you may not know where to begin thinking about your relationship with alcohol.
Alcohol consumption isn’t an issue for everyone, but if you drink, it can still be beneficial to assess your relationship with alcohol from time to time.
You may want to ask yourself if alcohol is interfering with the way you want to live or the things you want to do. For some people, alcohol may affect their:
- mental well-being
- physical well-being
- relationships
- work and daily routines
To determine if alcohol is impacting your health, relationships, work, school, or mental health, think about what happens during and the day after drinking:
- Are you getting into more arguments with friends and family when drinking?
- Are hangovers keeping you from enjoying days outside?
- Is alcohol consumption impacting your productivity at work or school?
Alcohol may be adversely impacting your life if you’re noticing:
- relationship disruptions
- prolonged withdrawal
- an out-of-control feeling
- increased alcohol consumption to feel the same effects
- legal involvement related to alcohol use
If you look at the impact alcohol is having on your life and decide that there are still some benefits even among the consequences, that’s an important step in recognizing how your relationship with alcohol is working overall.
It’s helpful to evaluate the pros and cons of continuing to consume alcohol, since it’s ultimately your decision whether you want to try limiting your consumption or avoiding it altogether. It can also help to be realistic about where you could start cutting back.
For example, some people with social anxiety find it difficult to socialize without alcohol. In this case, alcohol is a coping mechanism that makes it possible for people to participate in social situations and connect with others.
It may feel as though getting rid of the alcohol also eliminates the socialization, removing a major benefit in a person’s life. But though it may be painful initially, there are steps you can take to limit your alcohol consumption while still enjoying the benefits of a social life.
It may help to start with a social event where you feel the most comfortable, like a small gathering with intimate friends or family members. You could start by having a drink with a lower alcohol content than you would usually choose. Or you could choose a nonalcoholic drink, such as a mocktail or soda.
If you’re in a larger group where you’re less comfortable, it may also help to have a close friend with you who can help you relax and feel better about not drinking.
Give yourself permission to experiment and find what works for you. It may take time, but you can continue to enjoy the benefits of situations where you would typically be drinking while still reducing your alcohol consumption.
If you’re considering your relationship with alcohol, it’s also important to understand the common risks of drinking, such as:
- impaired judgment
- emotional vulnerability
- difficulty sleeping
- acting out of character
- disregard for personal safety and the safety of others
Heavy or frequent alcohol use
Alcohol consumption may also be particularly harmful for people with mental health conditions like depression, as it can increase the likelihood of experiencing suicidal ideation or behaviors.
Help is out there
If you or someone you know is in crisis and considering suicide or self-harm, please seek support:
- Call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. Caring counselors are available to listen and provide free and confidential support 24/7.
- Text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to connect with a volunteer crisis counselor for free and confidential support 24/7.
- Not in the United States? Find a helpline in your country with Befrienders Worldwide.
- Call 911 or your local emergency services number if you feel safe to do so.
If you’re calling on behalf of someone else, stay with them until help arrives. You may remove weapons or substances that can cause harm if you can do so safely.
If you’re not in the same household, stay on the phone with them until help arrives.
If you’ve thought about it and want to try cutting back on your alcohol consumption, it may help to begin by finding people who have been in the same situation as you.
Support groups are more accessible than ever. In addition to traditional in-person meetings, many organizations offer virtual support where you can connect with people and hear their stories.
You could consider looking into programs like:
If group support isn’t your thing, one-on-one therapy can be a great option as well. A therapist can help you understand your drinking patterns and triggers while helping you cultivate healthier behaviors.
If you’ve attempted to cut back on alcohol but were unable to do so, it’s possible that you need professional assistance to help you manage alcohol use disorder.
Talk with a healthcare professional if you notice you need to drink increasingly large quantities of alcohol to get the same effects you used to, or if you notice withdrawal symptoms, such as:
- shakiness
- restlessness
- nausea
- increased sweating
It can help to start with a primary care doctor, who can determine the severity of your disorder and help you find the treatment you need.
Medical treatments for alcohol use disorder include:
- detoxification at a medical facility, with medications to manage withdrawal symptoms
- medications for reducing cravings in the long term
- behavioral therapy
Many people benefit from alcohol rehabilitation programs that offer comprehensive support.
If you need additional help finding local resources and medical support, consider using the free national helpline from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
It’s important to be compassionate and gentle with yourself through this process. The stigma surrounding alcohol use is very real, even if you’re just beginning to explore sobriety, and shame or embarrassment may prevent many people from getting the help they need or even just getting started.
But remember that there’s no shame in cutting back or quitting drinking. No one but you gets to decide what role alcohol plays in your life.
And a 2024 research review even suggests that self-compassion and self-forgiveness may improve drinking-adjacent outcomes and assist in recovery or treatment.
Quitting or reducing drinking can be difficult, so it’s important to set realistic expectations. Remember to celebrate small wins, like telling someone close to you about your plans to limit your alcohol consumption or having fewer drinks at a social event.
And if you need it, help is always available. You’re not alone in your journey.
If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol, it can help to take a step back and ask yourself a few things. Are there any benefits you associate with drinking? What about consequences? Have you noticed alcohol having adverse effects on your life?
If you’re thinking about trying to reduce your alcohol consumption or quit drinking altogether, it can help to start slow and celebrate small wins. If you’re unable to limit your drinking, it may be time to get professional medical help.